Your boyfriend is more hetero than John Wayne. End of story. While it may be hard to get him to go dancing or shopping... You know that he can always stand up for and take care of you. Which is waaaay more attractive than a few well placed highlights.
94. You shall not stand on the bed when the ceiling fan is on.
Okay, this one is for my beloved husband, The Cop Magnet. The other night he stood up on the bed. He was just a little too close to the ceiling fan. It hit him so hard that all the dust bunnies went flying across the room.
The good news is that the ceiling fan is okay...why am I not worried about him? Because I know what a hard head he has!
Bry-onicle and I ate lunch at a little Chinese restaurant called Happy Family. I paid almost $10 for ten pieces of fried baby shrimp, an order of fries, a bowl of egg drop soup, and some beef and broccoli. The funny part? I had to buy the drinks separately. They were canned. Okay, now here is the funny part - they were cans of Sam's Choice soda...for 75 cents a can. I could have just crossed the street and went to Wal-Mart and got them for a quarter each out of the vending machine.
The first real date with The Cop Magnet (the trip to Frontier City) happened the weekend after July 4, 1995. We met on a BBS (Bulletin Board System) because he spammed me. Does anyone remember the old ANSI program TheDraw? Anyway, he made this garish looking ad and figured out how to send it to everyone. Being the "I'm not gonna take this crap" kind of girl that I am, I called the BBS. Being the stupid 16 year old that I was, I put my real telephone number in. After I sent him a very scathing email, he called. I didn't answer. I had a BBS, too. He called it and hacked into my system...all the way down to good old Norton. I pulled the plug on him.
He called again so I answered it fully prepared to berate him within an inch of his dorky little life (because he was quite a dork). Turns out, he was kind of funny. I pictured him as a short fat kid. He invited me to go with him, a friend of mine (that was supposed to be his date that it turns out that he knew and I didn't know that they knew each other), and two friends of his. I was supposed to be friend number one's date.
My friend didn't show up. So it was just me and three guys...friend number one (while he's grown up to be a wonderful, wonderful man) was a complete and utter jerk. I think he was even more of a jerk than your typical 16 year old boy. I thought The Cop Magnet was hot but kept my distance because I was supposed to be there with his friend. His other friend and I shared some ice cream while the other two were in line for pizza. This friend was like having a girl-friend to talk to with a penis - which is kind of creepy...but he's straight and now married. Turns out he just knows how to talk to the ladies.
Apparently The Cop Magnet had said something to him about me being hot (apparently they both needed glasses). I had mentioned to ice cream boy that I thought The Cop Magnet was kind of cute, too and that friend numero uno was a bit too much for me. We rode on The Twister and I was so dizzy getting off that I bumped into everyone. He grabbed my hand and didn't let go for the rest of the day (much to friend one's dismay - but it's all good now...we were all in each other's weddings).
Eventually we wandered off toward the Ferris Wheel. I am terrified of heights (turns out he is too, but he didn't tell me that then). We are on there with another couple that was older. She said something to the effect of what a cute couple we were. I said, "We aren't a couple." He said, "Why not?" The other guy chimed in, "Have you kissed her yet?" So he did...
Later he admitted to that being his first kiss. I was also his first girlfriend.
We went back about a month later and had two cheesy little keychains made with our names on them. When we broke up I got rid of mine. I moved out of state and everything...
When I came back and we got back into touch, I found out he still had his. Now it is in my purse.
Got to wrestling around...and he was behind me and tried to swing me backwards. My ankle got caught and twisted. Now it's all black and purty. To make up for it, he installed Windows Vista. So I am thinking about forgiving him...I aint decided yet.
Monkey Butt will be six in October. Here it is about 10:30 at night on Saturday. He's spending the night with Nana Beachy. Bry-onicle and Star Squarepants are watching TV in their room. Me and The Cop Magnet were listening to the news. I started flipping through channels.
Me: Wow.
TCM: What?
Me: We've really changed in the last six years.
TCM: How so?
Me: Remember when I was pregnant with Monkey Butt? We couldn't wait to watch Jackass.
TCM: Yeah.
Me: Apparently we are big kids now. Because we are sitting here listening to the debate on Fox News about whether if Giliana (sic) makes it to be president whether or not he'll let his wife sit in on the cabinet.
TCM: That's messed up. We're getting old. I'm doing statistics and you've cooked all day, read the Easter story, dyed eggs, did outreach at the church, and are sitting there crocheting. Damn, we're old.
Me: Yeah, but my butt still looks better than yours.
The Cop Magnet and I went to go see The Number 23. I was skeptical at first because, frankly, it's hard to imagine Fire Marshall Bill / Ace Ventura / Bruce Almighty doing anything in a drama. The movie had its quirky, funny moments but was pretty predictable up until the end. I never guessed the ending. I was pleasantly surprised.
It was a lot of fun...especially since we were sitting in the back of the theater (no we were not doing THAT). Unkey Monkey and a group of his friends walked in. We saw them but they didn't see us. He was some blond girl that he swears he wasn't there with - that she was there with another guy...but that's funny because the guy she was supposedly there with sat way behind them and they sat together... So I called B.S. and decided to embarrass him.
The Cop Magnet started first and called him on Nana Beachy's cell phone (since we knew he had it and because we know that he hadn't seen us JUST yet). The Cop Magnet said, "I just talked to mom and she said you better get your butt home as soon as this movie is over and she said you better not be with any girl." Of course, Unkey Monkey just hangs up on him. So The Cop Magnet just couldn't help himself. He walked right down the steps and tapped Unkey Monkey and the shoulder to say hi.
After the movie was over (the theater was pretty crowded), The Cop Magnet was ready to go. I gave him the look that says, "I'm starting trouble" and said, "Hold on.. I want to wait for some of these other people to leave. You know how I hate a crowd." The theater was still pretty dark and he knew what I was really waiting for...yeah, Unkey Monkey and the mystery blond.
Three of Unkey Monkey's friends walk by me...and then he finally does and I jump out of the aisle and start smooching on him and hugging him and this girl gives me the "what the heck" look. So then I started tickling him saying, "Aww...aint that sweet. My baby brother is still ticklish!" I embarrassed him REAL good. He was in front of me on the steps so I proceeded to gently pinch the back of his knees and he danced just like I knew he would!
For some strange reason, him and his girl high tailed it out of there...no introduction or nothing. Job well done for us. We know this is one night that he won't have the chance to knock up some girl that would probably just end up being a psycho.
We went to relieve Nana Beachy of child care duty. I told her how I thought it was amazing how genetics work. She asked what I was talking about. She does the same little dance if you pinch her behind the legs. I told her Unkey Monkey does that too!! I found out!! Apparently that runs in the family.
Yesterday, Unkey Monkey tried to repay me for my kindness by tickling me at church. There is just one problem...as he discovered... I am not ticklish. At least, I am not ticklish any where that is polite to talk about in general society... mwa ha ha ha.
Okay, so I didn't go to bed until after two in the morning and I got up at seven. I took the boys to school while The Cop Magnet slept. Then I woke him up after I took a shower (about 8:30 or 9:00).
We went out to Chili's for lunch. They have really good baked potato soup. Then we went to Petsmart with the intention of just buying two harnesses. I ended up with: two harnesses, a dog whistle, a connector to put two dogs on one leash, two hermit crabs, and a hermit crab starter kit. It was cheaper than buying the little things individually. We just use an old hamster cage.
We went to Sprawl-Mart and The Cop Magnet found a beta fish he just had to have. So now the pet population is up to: two dogs, two cats, two hermit crabs, and a fish.
Did I mention that the last time we had a beta that FC-22 ate him?
Well, I'm hungry...going to warm up the rest of my burger. Then I have to right a two page paper on the different types of alimony.
Oh and Monkey Butt had soccer practice today. I'll post pics later.
