PRACTiCAL CHiCK: Guidelines 11

21 September 2006

Guidelines 11 - 13

Newsflash!!

The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500 man elite fighting unit called the USRSF. US Redneck Special Forces. These North Carolina, South Carolina, Kentucky, West Virginia, Mississippi, Missouri, Arkansas, Georgia, Texas, Oklahoma and Tennessee boys will be dropped into Iraq and have been given the following facts about Terrorists:

1. The season opened today.

2. There is no limit.

3. They taste like chicken.

4. They don't like beer, pick up trucks, country music or Jesus.

5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt.

This mess in Iraq should be over in a week.

Support your troops (because I don't see your liberal behind in fatigues; and YES I can talk - my husband PROUDLY served his country, my brother did too, and my brother in law currently is serving)! For all my jar heads, fly boys, squids, dogs, and weekend warriors - thank you and I love every single one of you. I am praying for your safe return and I thank you, again, for your courage.

11. You shall not ask when an Apostolic Pentecostal woman is going to finally cut her hair.

If you know they are Pentecostal, not only that but oneness apostolic pentecostal, don't ask her when she is going to cut her hair. First, do some research and learn about our doctrine. Note that I did not ask you to agree with it. I am only telling you to respect it. Second, don't be surprised when we say, "When hell freezes over - which will be a very long time. We don't know when Jesus is coming back and then hell is going to be locked up for 1000 years. I think it's going to be a while." Can you all believe I've actually had a hair dresser say she wasn't going to perm my hair (about four years ago) because I wouldn't let her trim it? Can you all believe I took my business elsewhere?

12. You shall turn your cell phone off during a software demo.

At least put the thing on vibrate. A little common sense (oh wait...maybe I should think about where I am posting this) would tell you that we are there to learn about a $8000 program - not listen to you chat about your grandchildren. I am sure your grandchildren are wonderful but I don't think the software company wants to waste their long distance money waiting for you to shut up. Oh, and turn it off the FIRST time - I don't want to hear it four or five times. I don't care about your family life or what you are doing for lunch or what the weather is like.

13. You shall not consume mass quantities of alcohol during pregnancy.

You know, I am not even going to add commentary; the article will say enough.

Dewey mother charged in abuse of her newborn

By Chad Previch
The Oklahoman

BARTLESVILLE -- A 37-year-old Dewey woman was arrested after giving birth while she was drunk, police said Thursday.

Melissa Irene Tanner was charged with felony child neglect after her daughter was born with a blood alcohol content of .21, about 2½ times the legal limit for an adult driver.

The baby is suffering from fetal alcohol syndrome and is in a foster home, according to court records.

Tanner's blood alcohol content was .29, according to an investigator's affidavit.

After giving birth, Tanner was asked what she will name her newborn daughter, and she replied, "Maybe 'Milwaukee's Best,'" a witness told an investigator. Milwaukee's Best is a brand of beer.

"I thought, 'This lady really cares about her kids,'" Washington County Undersheriff Dennis Nix said Thursday. "A little baby like that born into this world's got to deal with that and everything else. It's just a sad situation.

"She's not much on motherhood."

Tanner told police she had eight beers June 30 at her home. She fell off her porch and was taken to Jane Phillips Hospital where her daughter was born, weighing 6 pounds, 2 ounces.

After the birth, Tanner told authorities she and her boyfriend had consumed a 24-pack of beer that day, records show.

Tanner at first told hospital staff she wasn't aware of her pregnancy but later said she attempted to make an appointment about her pregnancy two months ago but never went, an investigator said.

"I doubt very seriously she'll ever get custody," Nix said of Tanner, who was still in Washington County jail Thursday. Her bail was set at $30,000. She has a court date scheduled Aug. 5.

Tanner pleaded guilty in 2002 to felony bail jumping, records show. She also has a record of domestic abuse and resisting arrest.

posted by -atomik kitten @ 7:39 PM