Opening and Guidelines 1-5:
Opening:
Welcome to "Guidelines for the Intellectually Challenged"! I am your host (for those of you with an IQ exceeds that of the backside of a horse) and your instructor (for those of you who are in apparent need of assistance on how NOT to be stupid) Robin. Why did I start this site? Because, quite frankly, stupidity bothers me. I am here to teach you, my little darlings, how to be a rational person. Normal? No. Sane? Probably not. Looking like you could be normal and sane? Maybe. So sit back and enjoy the ride (and do take notes).
1. If your child is under the age of five, you shall NOT leave him unattended outside.
Recently, an 18 month old baby girl died here in Oklahoma because a man backed over her with his truck. When he first started to pull out he observed a group of children in the road. He waited for them to move. When he looked back again, the road looked clear. Apparently this baby dropped her toy cell phone in the road and bent over to pick it up. The driver never saw her. He did everything he could to save her. He yelled for the parents and no one came out. He picked her up and carried her door to door to find the mother. Now the family of that poor baby hold no hard feelings against the man that ran their daughter over. I wouldn't either; I have two sons (ages seven and four). The driver did not see her because she was getting something off the road. Where in the WORLD was this baby's mother? Don't tell me how fast small children can dart out - I have two of them and when I even had the inkling that my youngest little booger had the notion of wondering off, I bought a baby leash. Where was the mother? Where was the mother? Where was the mother? I'll tell you where she is now: suffering in her own world of grief, agony and guilt because she turned her back. She has to live with that for the rest of her life and frankly I think she ought to be charged with manslaughter. Oh, but Robin, you are being so harsh. Darn straight I am. She was STUPID and KILLED her daughter because she apparently had better things to do than keep an eye on her.
2. Men shall not wear pink.
I have so many thoughts swirling in my wee little head over this one. I just don't know WHERE to start first. What they hay - I'll start at the one that will tick the most people off (hateful comments don't bother me in the least - in fact they make stupid people look, well, stupid). PINK IS FOR THOSE OF THE FEMALE SEX! It doesn't make you look sexy, sensitive, or even cool. It makes you look like you want to be a girl. If any normal woman wanted to be with someone that wears pink, she would be with another woman. Men should dress like men and women should dress like women. Now if you *want* to be a girl, that is your sick and twisted business so obviously I am talking to normal, every day men. Men wearing pink - yet another feminist plot to cut the balls off of American men.
3. You shall not forward spam.
This site says it best: http://www.softlab.ece.ntua.gr/~sivann/pub/swf/may02-smilepop-soapbox4.swf . However for those of you too stubborn to visit it: you are not really so naive as to think Bill Gates is going to send you money for every message you send, are you? Has it ever occured to you that he has better things to do with his money (like continue his take-over of the world). There is no Pepsi can that removed the words, "Under God". There is no e-mail tracking program. Congress is not passing a bill to charge us five cents per e-mail that we send. For the love of all creation, verify your information. Don't believe everything you read (should that be another rule?).
4. You shall not diss your co-workers while you are in a bathroom stall.
Did it ever occur to your feeble little mind that you don't know when that co-worker will walk in to the bathroom? I know some of you are thinking, "Ha! I can talk about co-workers of the opposite sex." No - still not a wise idea. How trustworthy is the moron next to you that is listening to your drivel? What about non-gender specific restrooms? However I digress - this is for the idiot that participates in gossip about a co-worker of the same sex. Quite frankly, mindless wonder, those of us with a working brain in our head could care less what you think of us. Take your petty jealousy and go home. We are smarter than you on our dumbest day. We are here to do a job - not to make a friend (or to wipe your nose).
5. You shall not treat terrorists better than law abiding citizens.
I want to know who's bright idea this is: let's treat prisoners at GITMO better than 80 year old ladies that have owned their homes for 60 years. Terrorists (and suspected terrorists) are FAR more important than tax paying, law abiding citizens. Let's make sure we give them three squares per day up to THEIR dietary standards, handle their Korans with gloves (which I personally have no problem with), and keep a roof over their heads. Yet let's take away Granny Jones' home because her land would be so much better suited for a Wal-Mart or a mall. Hello? Is anyone home? Idiots.
Here is the thing about eminent domain (take notes): the government has the right to condemn property if they justly compensate the owner of that property *and* the land is going to be for public use. So tell me how building luxury condos is public use? Do we all get to go in to those condos and use the amenities anytime we want? |
Oh yes! Too funny and oh too.. real!