07 November 2007
White Trash Headlines

Good Morning and Welcome….

To this special late-breaking edition of white trash news. I am your special reporter, the Hi-Empress of White Trash AKA PRACTiCAL CHiCK.

This morning’s first story is not white trash, but rather a tiding of good cheer. Lakshmi, the four armed and four legged little girl in India came through the 24 hour surgery to remove a parasitic twin and is recovering and considered to be in stable condition. She is expected to be able to live a relatively normal life. (Source: Foxnews.com)

Polygamous sect leader Warren Jeffs tried to hang himself in his jail cell back in January (source: Foxnews.com). Sadly, this was unsuccessful. Although one has to wonder why he didn’t try to hang himself for taking on too many wives (one is typically more than enough for any man). He could be sentenced to life in prison later this month and he may become the wife of a harder and more forceful criminal named Bubba who misses his kissing cousin and his sister terribly and will need lots of consolation from his new cell mate.

In other news, feuding spouses James and Lia Boldt are in court arguing over whether or not their 12 year old son should be circumcised. The father argued that he should be allowed to have the boy circumcised since he converted to Judaism back in 2004. The mother is against the procedure. This brings a whole new meaning to the hurt divorce brings to a child.

DC Children’s Museum Executive Director was arrested on charges of child porn. Wow – what a great place for a pedophile to work. The Hi-Empress will now avoid any and all children's museums at all costs…I’m just going to lock the young princes in their room until they turn of age. On the plus side, the museum cooperated fully with police (the dirt bag used his work computer for sending out child porn) and barred the director from the property. While you’re at it, I say chemically castrate him…but hey – what else would a mother say about a sex offender who obviously took the job just to get his rocks off by watching little children?

A burglar was charged with breaking into a church and using the phone to call sex lines. The church treasurer found him both times he was caught. You know, even if you aren’t a church going Christian, you have to draw some line of respect for someone’s place of worship. Ever heard of a Christian go into a Hindu temple simply to call the Beef Producers of America on what to cook for dinner? No? Well that’s because cows are sacred to Hindu followers. Find a payphone, pervert, or better yet go to sprawl mart and buy a $20 cell phone and feed it full of minutes.

Pregnant woman killed in what was described as a 30 women pre-planned brawl in Los Angeles. It started when Unique Bishop, 21 jumped into her car and rammed it into the victims. The woman that was killed was eight months pregnant. Dozens gathered to watch, but no one had the cajones to step up and do anything about it. Imagine that.

Thank you for watching and good day…and now you know the rest of the white trash story. This has been late breaking news of the Hi Empress. Over and out.

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posted by -atomik kitten @ 9:31 AM  
  • At 4:30 PM, Anonymous Slick said…

    That last story just sickens me....

    I'd have beat her ass.

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