Frankly, I don’t know who is happier – the young princes or myself. It’s kind of a long story, but I’m behind on my word count and even though I said I wouldn’t pad….
So, Bry-onicle has always possessed this infatuation with baseball (he gets that from me – I love baseball). Sadly, the young prince has lousy fine motor skills. While he is smart as a whip, branded gifted and talented, and can write a story like nobody’s business – it takes a lot of hard work for him to catch on to a sport. So I figure off season ball is the best kind of baseball for him. He can learn the game, it isn’t as competitive, and he gets a cool uniform.
Alas! Monkey Butt feels left out because he missed soccer sign up (he is a speed demon on that field, I tell you what). So, I pay an extra $25 so he can play off season baseball too.
So – to try and keep up with the math…that’s now $50 and it is right around the first week of school, mmmkay? I’m cool with that. Bry-onicle is excited and Monkey Butt just loves any sport he gets involved in.
Bry-onicle is on a kid pitch team (meaning the kids pitch the ball) and Monkey Butt is on the coach pitch team (which is the step above tee ball). Good news! They have the same coach! Bad news – we were practically living out at the fields.
Okay, so I have to pay for a bat so now that is $28 dollars. They already have gloves and a ball. So now, keeping up with the math we are now up to $78. I’m still cool with it. You can use the bat for other forms of entertainment like bashing in knee caps of would be home invaders. It’s a family investment, right?
Next I have to buy pants and socks (so that is $10 per pair of pants and $5 per pair of socks so that is a total of $30). Keeping up with the math, we are now up to $108. Oh, and Bry-onicle has no cleats at all (Monkey Butt was allowed to wear his soccer cleats). So those cost me around $20 on sale. Keeping up with the math - $128.
Good news! Since both teams have the same coach they get the same name…The Yankees! For two shirts and two caps it was $75. So keeping up with the math we are now up to $203.
I have to pay a gate fee for every game - $2 per person for regular games and $3 per person for tournament games. Plus, you know – if you get hungry (which can happen) you go broke at the concession stand.
So games for the young princes are held on Monday night back to back. The stupid thing was since Monkey Butt’s team played first, they wanted to charge me not only the $2 gate fee for me (which I didn’t know about until like the first game) and $2 for Bry-onicle even though he is a player. I had to argue that one. Wasn’t like he was wearing his uniform for fun though I threatened them both with being ball players for Halloween. First game – Bry-onicle freezes his tail off and the coach’s wife gets mad at me because it is 9:30 PM, windy, the game isn’t over, and I say sorry but I am taking him home.
The kind of fun thing is that Bry-onicle was number 11 (his favorite number) and his best friend (also on his team) was number 7 so every time they would get together they would sing the 7-11 theme song. Back to the story though…
Games are Mondays, Tuesdays were set aside for practice for Monkey Butt, Wednesdays was set aside for practice for Bry-onicle, Thursdays back to Monkey Butt, and Fridays (until football started) back to Bry-onicle. I told you – we practically lived on that field. When my new semester started, I told them we wouldn’t be able to live on the field. I had class on Tuesdays and Wednedays. Apparently other parents were complaining besides me because practice was cut back to Tuesdays and Wednesdays and then the Tuesday was moved to Thursday (which we have church on Thursday).
So for several weeks, I am either finding someone to pick them up for practice or what have you….and then I got sick with a sinus infection and Bry-onicle’s best friend’s mama came and picked him up to play on Monkey Butt’s team because they were short. The coach’s wife again got angry when I said that Bry-onicle could not stay through his game (because for the most part is for him to learn better coordination and because he just wanted to try it out). By this point in time, Monkey Butt cries because it is time to go to practice and I can tell that Bry-onicle is wearing thin.
Monkey Butt did finish his tournament (and in soccer, that means the end of the season but apparently not for baseball). Bry-onicle gets bronchitis and pretty much if we had waited any longer he would have ended up with pneumonia. I am sure the cold night air did not favors, but I didn’t let him play any games or go to practice when he started coughing all the time. I thought it was probably allergies, but it just kept getting worse and worse. Poor kid was sick over the entire fall break.
I found out last night through Bry-onicle’s best friend’s mother that the season is officially over. He breathed a huge sigh of relief. He said it was really stressful on him to have to come home and rush around every day to get ready for practice and that he doesn’t want to play next year. I told him that was just fine…now on to the fun stuff: the other parents.
My young princes played a total of about 10 games (so there’s $20 + $3 for the tournament so keeping up with the math we are now up to $226….not counting Monkey Butt’s tournament) and I’ve come up with a few things about those parents:
If you are so big that Omar the Tentmaker would have to fashion your baseball britches, you have no business yelling at a kid who ran for the base instead of sliding (he was still safe either way). I know I've told yall that before...
If you have four children (two of which have lingering defects), you need to quit trying for that girl. You lament and lament (yes I am talking about the coach’s wife) about how sick your kids are / was (one is partially deaf, one is a little person, the baby may be hard of hearing, and your oldest is the only one that is physiologically normal), it is time to quit. Who cares that your husband’s favorite slogan is “I’ve still got two more seats in the Suburban!” Get a hobby besides baby making. Might I suggest crochet? Look, if your kids came out okay and did not have defects (or you didn’t whine and complain about the defects and just loved them for them) have as many as you can afford to support. Don’t have them because you want a girl. I think I read a statistic some time ago that said every time you have more than one child (in a row) of the same sex, you more than double your chances for the next one being the same sex.
Don’t go out and party because your National Guard husband is deployed. Look, you seemed like a nice mom and a good mom. You kept your girls under control, they were polite, and well behaved. They seemed like model young ladies – so why on earth are you out partying? What I really want to know is who you have baby sitting them and instilling morals into them (maybe while dad is home he rubs off on them)?
Don’t be so quick to judge someone based upon the fact they want their kids in church or won’t live on the baseball field. My kids have other interests…both are fantastic readers (and love reading), involved in church, and have numerous friends and a nana with a swimming pool and swing set. Baseball is a fun hobby – it isn’t life.
The kids on the team, though, were all very good and sweet kids as far as I could tell. One was truly gifted at the game and he took up for Bry-onicle (from players on other teams) several times because it was his first season and because he would often strike out (he could catch a mean pop fly though). He would pat him and tell him what a great job he did and he would even help correct his stance or just anything he could do for help. That boy may go far in baseball, but I sure hope he goes to college too.
