13 November 2007
And *I'm* judgmental?
So I tried to get in to the ortho today instead of waiting til tomorrow, but the doctor was in surgery. Urgent care told me to go to the ER because of the pain (no sleep for three days - the pain is a LOT worse at night). The nurse asked if I take any medications and I told her that I do take Klonipin, but that I hadn't taken it today. I'm in tears from pain (she'd already asked the on the scale from 1 to 10 how do you rate the pain question). Then she starts going down the psych list. When she asked, "Are you feeling the urge to hurt yourself" I wanted to say, "Yes, actually I'd love to cut my foot off." I figured she would take my sarcasm seriously so I just left it alone. I got back pretty quick and I had my x-rays with me from urgent care.

The male nurse asked me what I wanted them to do about it - oh gee. I don't know. I'm crying. I'm at the hospital. Pain medication prescribed didn't help. No sleep in three days. Gee - Hmm..let me think about it. Oh wait! Light bulb moment! Make it quit hurting!

The doc comes in and says that there is no ortho on call and that he had no intentions of "narcing" me up. See? You tell the truth to people - about why you don't like certain drugs (Loratab - it didn't work anyway) because your father overdosed on them and you get treated like YOU are the addict.

Look - just because my dad was an addict doesn't make me one. I started with Darvocet. I *asked* for Darvocet at urgent care because I know that it is a lot less potent (and I have a pretty high pain tolerance). Sunday comes and I am crying so I call my primary physician's answering service and he tells me to take Loratab that I had left from freaking February from my last dental excursion. THAT doesn't help.

Keep in mind at this point - the doctor looked only at the x-ray but had not taken the splint off to LOOK at my foot. I had to tell him to take the splint off if he didn't believe me. My foot is still black and purple. He said, "I don't see anything on the xray to justify you hurting this much. SO I have a hard time believing that you are having this much pain." He did end up writing a prescription (that I can't take because a. it isn't here yet; Nana Beachy took it three hours ago to get it filled. b. I have class in 30 minutes and c. I have two children that MUST be supervised (they are only 9 and 7 for goodness sake and I am not about to take something that I don't know what kind of effect it will have on me).

Yeah, and yet people call me judgmental..I'm judged the minute people find out that my dead father was an addict and that my mother is an alcoholic and prescription abuser. How's that for justice and legacy? I don't beat my kids - I broke the damn cycle...yet I am judged. I'd rather walk around on a torn up ligament or tendon or whatever and ask for the weakest drug possible so I can take care of my children...yet I am judged.

I am a million times better than my own parents - I could make a list...but at the risk of sounding not only "judgmental" but snotty, I won't. Let's just say I'm sober, I don't beat my children, I am a Holy Ghost filled child of God, and I do my best to take care of my own (and others for that matter). Yet I am judged because of the people that raised me.


posted by -atomik kitten @ 6:18 PM  
  • At 10:15 PM, Blogger Margaret said…

    Next time just say Loratab makes you sick to your stomach even when you take it with a full meal and leaves you with a pounding migraine type of headache.

    Trust me, they do this. Tell them in the past you had no problems with taking the "'cets." Percocet, Darvocets, etc.

    There is a difference. Loratab is basically hydrocodone or oxycotin - heroin based drugs.

    Percocet/darvacets and Tylenol II and III's are different degrees of Codeine based drugs.

    Although both Codeine and Heroin come from the same source, there is a chemical difference and different effects.

  • At 1:23 PM, Blogger Grace @ Rose Cottage Lane said…

    Makes you just want to scream doesn't it? I'm so sorry you are treated this way. I know that God is glorified in the ways you've broken the cycle, and the ways you've allowed Him to shine in your life. I'm proud of you. I'm also praying for healing of your foot. Many blessings today!

  • At 5:42 PM, Blogger Dr.John said…

    Find a new primary care physician. One that doesn't judge. I know what leg pain is like. I fell two winters ago in a parking lot. My son got me back in the car and to the emergency room. The pain was unbearable. But nothing showed on the xrays or cat scan. The doctor said go home it will get better. It did about a month later.

  • At 10:24 AM, Blogger . . . Dallas Meow . . . . >^^< . . . said…

    I'm so sorry.
    May God give you the strength to deal with this until you can get the help you deserve.

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